amazonv | I wasn't going to...

I wasn't going to update, but for right now i will.

Thursday I ran away to ithaca to see tasha-yea happiness!

Now i'll explain for those confused persons: Tony isn't "making" me do this/these things, my plan was to withdrawal as painlessly (for him) as possible from is life and give him a chance to heal. I figured if i were completely cut out of his life for a while, then slowly reentered with an indifference attitude, things might be ok, and i could finally stop walking on eggshells. james had wanted me to jump right to ignoring hm, but that would most likely lead to him perceiving me as perceiving myself as better than him, or some other negative adjective added to my name.

As per my new away message:
"bubble, LJ, GC, WCKN, Mice, Guns (thursday), Showing up at OLT parties, Pledging, making friends--i can't give up anymore, hopefully that'll be enough that i can stop hurting"

bubble-he exposed her comments system, knew her comments system, and read her. I couldn't let him continue to use it against me, and she was compromised.

LJ-well maybe i can't give it up completely, but somehow he seemed to be getting summaries of my entries, so it then had the same flaws as bubble. Maby I'll bring it back and pray. I use Blogs to kvetch, i really never want sugestions or advice, i want a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen. Tony tends to refer to this as hoisting my problems onto others, If people son't want to listen I can stop bitching at them-just tell me!

GC-not completely, but there was an issued that had been settled, and not his business, and his brought it on the list, then tried to tell me how to do the listserve when most members i talked to (to make sure i wasn't against his opinions b/c he's tony) agreed with me--that weren't necessary or needed

WCKN-he's there, people i had wanted to get to know are there as well, which makes me sad all potential fiends i had wanted to make are now out of reach (i believe i have no close friends outside the mice currently, some people in my frat feel close to me, but i haven't really been able to let them under my shell for various reasons). I liked being there as well :(

Mice-kelli is now listgoddess, and i'm offlist (ok amazonv@crazy-mice.com is on, but i never check that e-mail account anyway, and now plan specifically not to).

Guns (thursday) James bringing the pledges to play with melissa for his OLT signature. But now jame said next week me and Bobbie-Sue could go with him to play with melisa! YEA! I've never played with a gun before, and last week was the first time i'd handled a real one.

Showing up at OLT parties-i should say events, I wanted to get to know (most) of the members better (parties, events, etc) but since he's always there i as of right now cannot.

Pledging I had wanted to pledge OLT as a permanent DD w/stew cut off rights this semester (last semester when megan was PMing a party, she didn't cut him off in time, I'm better at knowing the signs to cut him off instead of him stumbling in at random hours dry heaving) As soon as tony came back I knew he'd pledge, so I didn't even mention it, and now that he'll be a brother, I refuse to get his signature which would invalidate me anyway from completing pledging.

I gave up as much as i can to remove me from his life, he's the fool tht keeps IMing me and mentioning me in blog, and e-mailing me. I figure 1 month no nicky then try again? To be indifferent?

See, now i can stop hurting him?