This week's exploration: Perceptions, dreams, and wishes

[amazonv]

Homework from my NYE class with Dr Liz Powell

Write a letter to yourself as though from a beloved friend about how they perceive you and your body

• friends and the internet don't say much, they like it, they enjoy it, they have favorite parts, the miss it, but thats all people have said to me, not sure i can say anything nicer.

Put together a playlist of songs that make you want to feel your body. Set yourself up in a room with lighting that feels good for you and some clothes or textile items that feel really good to touch. Before you start, write a few notes about how you feel about your body. Spend at least 15 minutes listening to the music, touching your body, moving around, and just experiencing the body you’re in; if you can go longer, even better! When you’re done, write down a few notes about what you feel about your body now.

• i can not think of an instance where music ever compelled me to want to touch myself. very soft fuzzy fabrics make me want to snuggle and pet them. there is no way i can spend 15 minutes touching myself.
• Songs like this make me want to dance. only i can't dance. https://music.youtube.com/channel/UC4D96Igir4UZVN5ixlA4WPg

If you have a voice that points out what’s “wrong” with your body, see if you can give that voice a name. What does that voice look like? Where did they come from? Then see if you can invite that voice to sit down with you for a conversation. What does that voice want for you? Why does it talk to you how it does? Tell the voice how its words impact you. Let it know how you feel when it shows up. Sometimes this exercise is easier if you set up two chairs for yourself and when you sit in one you’re the voice and when you sit in the other you’re you. Feel free to journal about this as well.

• it's my voice. it's me. it looks like me.it comes from things doctors and family and partners and friends and society have said or i have heard and seen. it wants me to be healthier, stronger, better, happier. it talks to me because i get overwhelmed and give up, or stop caring, and avoid and don't do. it impacts me by stressing me out and driving me to food for comfort or to stress sleep. i feel sad when it shows up, and guilty, and stressed.

    

When you look back on your life, when do you think you were the closest to your current “should” self? Did you think you were at your “should” self during that time? Why or why not? What does this tell you about your “should” self now?

• Never? College I was the right weight. A few years ago i was consistently exercising. I've never been able to do everything i was supposed to or wanted to, i've never been smart enough, good enough, balanced enough.

 

Ask a friend to write you a letter/send you a voice message/send you a video message about how they perceive you and your body

• i don't feel close enough to anyone to do this

    

Look at your Instagram feed and see how many people you follow who have bodies similar to yours. What do you notice?

• I rarely instagram, logged in to look specifically - many skinnier, but mostly cats and projects, and kids, and friends trying to love their (transitioning) bodies. i notice many friends are into running and fitness and outdoors and i am not. i notice many friends have cats and dogs and kids.

    

Follow some fat activist accounts on Instagram - @LizzoBeEating, @YrFatFriend, @TessHolliday, @EffYourBeautyStandards

• They all seem comfortable with their bodies, i am envious of that, and they are confident and that looks good. not sure what i am supposed to get?

    

Read The Body is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

• Added to wishlist. i have too many books i can't force myself to read, my attention is shot. https://beta.readng.co/user/amazonv/collection/to-read 

    

Watch Dumplin, Shrill, or any Lizzo videos

• I assume  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumplin%27_(film) which i don't have
• I assume https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB2i0fuSMRI which i don't have
• listened to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmbmeOgWsqE and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaCrQL_8eMY&ab_channel=LizzoMusic and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Srq1FqFPwj0 not sure what i was supposed to come away with

    

Find images that remind you of your current perception of yourself, your “should” self, and your wishes. Where do you find the most joy?

• not even sure where to look - current burnt out, fat, should, skinnier, more awake and not so distracted and useless
• wishes, not sure
• joy, when i am not me, like doing ACNH or reading, but then after it's worse because i am more behind

       

If you have someone you trust, ask them to touch your body while describing you. They can describe your physical body, your mind, your heart, your spirit, whatever they like. Your job is to listen and accept what they are saying as truth, or at least their truth.

• nope   

Ask friends to join you in a group chat where you share sexy pictures of yourselves. Take a bunch of pictures and see how they react to them. What do they say about how you look? How does it compare to what you thought?

• already have a whole mewe group for this and everyone is always positive and likes them, friends are different than internet trolls, didn't expect anything else

    

If you don’t have clothes that feel good on your body, buy some! The number on the tag matters less than how your body feels.

• not applicable been living in pajamas since this all started

    

Sketch/collage/craft about your "should" self, your current perception, and your wishes. Which of these artworks brings you joy? In what ways? Which parts are hard for you to put into art?

• i am not artistic

Reading:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/your-body-is-not-your-masterpiece_b_5586341