Angry ramblings

[amazonv]

So

I made a post like this years back and I conveyed it poorly so everyone blamed me for my frustration

let's try again

friends are having babies
friends are getting married
people are buying houses
friends are having their own companies, jobs they love
friends are improving their lives
friends are getting their acts together and having savings and not living check to check

i am sad
i am lonely
i am envious

not because i want children
in fact i think i've decided i don't want to even adopt

but because they know what they want

but because they are settling in somewhere

but because they are not alone

everyone says i am too picky and should settle for dating
but i know i can't do monogamy
i know i need kink
i know they need to read and geek out
i know i hate smoking
etc

so is it better to be in a bad relationship, or lonely
I think lonely
I'd like to not be lonely

I keep trying to improve myself
to learn to cook
to try and get my finances in control
to try my hand at a business that makes me passionately happy (the field not the work per say)

but there is never enough money, thank diety for my parents
there is never enough time

whine whine whine

just, sad, lonely, frustrated

i need to exercise, save money, stop buying stupid shit, become a better business woman

my cuddle girlfriend loves far away so i can't even just get cuddles


arrrgh