(no subject)

somehow i lost my hammer

purchasing a house may be my worst choice ever

it's technically twice as big but i can not maximize space usage as mom would flip and so far i filled the closet and haven't even emptied the one at the apartment, ditto bookshelves.

i suck at life, i am not handy so i have to pay people

i also lack time and i have to pay people

oh yeah and i suck so much i have to quit my 4th job, not that job #3 i have been doig much for lately and job #2 i have to work harder at

my mom can sew, cook, bake, tile, etc etc. i can't. i have no idea how i am going to make ends meet. I was happy that rent at the hosue would be less than the apartment but houses are expensive.

yesterday was replace all the dead lightbulbs day
i also replaced all but one HVAC filter

today was tighten all screws and apply wd40 to lots of things

i also noticed knicks in the floor i'll have to deal with or pay someone to deal with later

can we fast forward years until i am dead

life is work, hard work, and it sucks, i can't remember ever being happy for more than a few fleeting moments and i can't see ever being happy, so i'd rather not exist.

yes i have it much better than most, i have a job, i have a place to live, i have a pet.

that doens't mean i like my life.

i feel stupid and worthless always. i will never accomplish anything or be of use to anyone.

next up: at some point need to make house list of stuff left to do, and get my ass in gear to finish moving by end of july. where does the time go.