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10Q

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Day 2:

Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you're especially proud of from this past year?

Disappointed I have not scheduled to see my friends next year, as I did a good job this past year i think. I want to do better.

I joined the board at hacksburg, and have arranged one event a month since joining. sadly they have garnered no attendance or members.
I hosted an unconference.

I taught or helped tech classes (python, excel) and events (KTU)

i volunteered to read to kids again once a week

i hosted a second annual craft fair

i run the local munches


I taught tea classes, including one in an office, and people loved them
i am trying tea beers as marketing
i did multiple festivals and sold well
i still suck at marketing and business

i finally found a partner, maybe two, and am not as lonly anymore

i have a regular gaming group that are my friends

i still suck at finances

i learned to weld

i used power tools to build shelves

i planned an international trip, my first

i need to work on more open and honest

i need to learn to work better? smarter at work, i feel like i cause all my own fall behinds
but after getting an offer from microsoft and rackspace fighting to keep me i guess i can't think i am bad at my job anymore. the first real job offer ever for me, maybe.

I need to work on no, and downtime, most things i have done i have done because asked, and don't sleep enough or get down time
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10q
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Day 1

Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?

Going through the calendar I see the following major events:
Optic Neuritis
Surgery
Jamom's heart attack

ON
I couldn't see, and had to rely on others to get to a hospital where i waited nearly a whole day for anything, and got no answers. that was frustrating and scary. That's a fear that's been drilled into me, going blind. Then they declared it might be a deadly debilitating disease, but weren't sure and wouldn't know until it got worse. The fear has faded as I haven't has issues since then and a follow up exam went well, but i had a spike of fear this week when my vision dimmed again.

S
After years of doctors not wanting to sterilize me, one finally said it was my body and i could. I had solid reasons, i should not have needed them. I will go blind immediately if pregnant due to no longer being able to take my medication. This is what ended my wedding before it happened. I also never have strongly wanted children. They always were convinced i'd change my mind or something else would come along and fix my eyes. i have had so many eye surgeries i can't have another. So now, i had a tubal ligation and an oblation. My periods are no longer very long and horrifically painful, yes i get cramps but it is no where near as bad as it was. And i have no more risk of getting pregnant on accident. It's a lovely feeling to finally be over and the surgery itself wasn't nearly as bad as they warned me. And i no longer need to take hormones!

J
you know you will lose your grandparents but its scary when there are close brushes. i went to be with pop pop, and see jamom. i hate hospitals. i have gotten better about going to them as it's nice to have people there even if you hate it.

I am grateful my job lets me deal with things like this.

10q-10

Oct. 5th, 2014 10:50 pm
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10

When September 2015 rolls around and you receive your answers to your 10Q questions, how do you think you'll feel? What do you think/hope might be different about your life and where you're at as a result of thinking about and answering these questions?

2014
depressed
nothing

2013
I hope I feel less lonely. I hope i actually improved something instead of it being a repeat again. I do think i would just keep barreling forward if i didn't take the new year to think.

2012
Surprised the year is over again, I hope I feel happier and like i've accomplished something in the year I turn 30. I hope thinking about these things planted the seeds for change in the coming year.

2011
A: I believe I will be surprised a year is up, yet again. I hope that I feel that I have accomplished, or have moved forward on improving myself and my life, even if I have changed my goal or vision over the next year. I enjoy this exercise as it encourages, nay forces, me to look back at he prior years calendar and emails to think about it as a whole instead of just holding tight and jumping around decision to decision crisis to crisis like I usually do. I have a very poor memory so unfortunately any event I do not place in my calendar I may forget about. These questions give me the chance also to pick a goal and write it own. I post it publicly in hopes it acts as a reminder to have a better life and self to work to. Perhaps I should set myself a quarterly reminder process to reflect back on my answers and questions to see if I need to modify them, or myself?

10q-9

Oct. 5th, 2014 10:44 pm
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9
What is a fear that you have and how has it limited you? How do you plan on letting it go or overcoming it in the coming year?

fear of new
fear of people
fear of failing
fear of everything

i dont

prior
2013
ha! same as always
fear change
fear new things
i need to make friends
i need to explore
i doubt i'll improve though :)

2012
Fear of new things, fear to go out alone, meet new people. It keeps me from making new fiends, experiencing areas, and getting out of the house. I hope to keep getting myself to be more social and sociable over the next year.

2011
A: I don't like change, or new things – which left me staying in the job I did not like for far to long. It keeps me from making friends and having various experiences. I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone a little in the past year (new job, moving) but I haven't gotten good at socializing or adventuring out on my own. I hope to force myself to go explore my new town, alone, and to make new friends. In the past I have had my friends drag me about to events, that were fun, since I have moved away from them no one is forcing me to get out, have fun, have new experiences, and make new friends.

10q-8

Oct. 1st, 2014 11:24 pm
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10q
8
Is there something (a person, a cause, an idea) that you want to investigate more fully in 2015?

A:
no

prior years

2013
Let's say i want to investigate non confrontational and avoiding triggery words CFP for a convention about girls in IT, tempting not to use my own name due to backlash girls get though

-Failed

know myself - what do i want

- failed

be considered knowledgeable about tea

-yes

10q-7

Oct. 1st, 2014 11:20 pm
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10q
7
How would you like to improve yourself and your life next year? Is there a piece of advice or counsel you received in the past year that could guide you?
A
financially stable?
not bad at my job?

prior years:

2013
I would like to be healthier, thinner, read more, be better at my business, and more financially in control, i doubt any of that will happen. (nope)

2012
Stop being a fatass, exercise or read less - whichever (nope)
also read more, get finances in control (nope)

2011
no linux skills still

10q-6

Oct. 1st, 2014 11:15 pm
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6
Describe one thing you'd like to achieve by this time next year. Why is this important to you?

A
unpacked?
more tea of the month subscribers?
http://thedevoteausa.myshopify.com/pages/tea-of-the-month-club

Prior years:
2013
not be single? (nope)
be good at my job? (nope)
have the apartment unpacked (in time to move again :() (n/a moved again)
expand the tea business (yes)
No gaming cons (still true, but now have weekly pathfinder game)
need more range time (stll true, need)

2012
A: Be settled into my job, the apartment (unpacked), the city, happier (no,no,no,no)

2011
A: One? ha, I can't limit myself to one!

I want to have my apartment unpacked and settled in so I feel at home. (nope)

I want to find my way around San Antonio so that I don't feel like a tourist. (nope)

I want to be settled into my new job so I feel useful. (nope)

I want to visit Florida 2-6 times to be with Dr Cruel and the fish. (yes)

I want to visit home 2-6 times to see friends and family. (yes)

I want to become a member of at least one gaming group. (yes)

I want to become comfortable in, and a part of the local kink community, and continue to explore what I like and do not like. (yes)

I plan to attend: defcon, bsideslv, schmoocon, wicked faire and at least one tea convention (world tea expo, first flush festival, other yet to be known?). (yes)

I would like to attend one or more renaissance faire. (no)

I want to go to the range and improve my marksmanship. (not enough)

It would be nice to go to SDCC or Dragon*Con. (nope)

10q-5

Oct. 1st, 2014 11:12 pm
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10q-5
Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? "Spiritual" can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth.
A:
no

10q-4

Oct. 1st, 2014 11:04 pm
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10q4
Describe an event in the world that has impacted you this year. How? Why?
A:
Snowden - how it was a bad if not worse than we thought with government overreach
Ferguson - cops gone militant
Still rape culture (gamer gate, feminist frequency, etc)
still in war
why is Guantanamo still open?
gay marriage spreading, slowbut sure
legal marijuana spreading not just medicinal

10q-3

Oct. 1st, 2014 10:59 pm
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10q-3
Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?
A:
I can't think of anything, but my memory sucks

10q-2

Oct. 1st, 2014 10:53 pm
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Q2
Is there something that you wish you had done differently this past year? Alternatively, is there something you're especially proud of from this past year?
A:
i should have worked harder at the tea business?

repeats from prior years
I am still awful with finances even with parents help
I still hermit too much (social, have friends)
i am again prod of nothing

10Q-1

Sep. 24th, 2014 10:58 pm
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#1
Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?

A:
Purchased a home. not sure how i feel about it. annoyed at extra work? happy for more space?

lost bandit (rabbit), very sad, had no time to mourn so had to just get over it.

started a tea of the month program, insanity. very stressful.

tried to work 6-7 days a week by getting a job cashiering at a co-op to sell tea. failure.

went unconscious 72 hours from BP drop due to new med, scared me, i'll die alone and no one will know. the poor rabbit. i shouldn't have pets yet i am considering another.

Made an ass out of myself and missed last day of defcon-drunk, flu, and food poisoning.

I am not sure i feel things other than stress and shame. I should know what i feel shouldn't I? can you just not feel? everyone asks how i like having a house. I don't know. I own a house, it's a fact, i now have to deal with that fact. There is nothing to feel about it. I am just broken?

My overall feeling is, as always, head barely above water. Same place as always. no progress. failure.

10q #10

Sep. 15th, 2013 11:17 pm
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#10

Q:When September 2014 rolls around and you receive your answers to your 10Q questions, how do you think you'll feel? What do you think/hope might be different about your life and where you're at as a result of thinking about and answering these questions?

2013
I hope I feel less lonely. I hope i actually improved something instead of it being a repeat again. I do think i would just keep barreling forward if i didn't take the new year to think.

2012
Surprised the year is over again, I hope I feel happier and like i've accomplished something in the year I turn 30. I hope thinking about these things planted the seeds for change in the coming year.

2011
A: I believe I will be surprised a year is up, yet again. I hope that I feel that I have accomplished, or have moved forward on improving myself and my life, even if I have changed my goal or vision over the next year. I enjoy this exercise as it encourages, nay forces, me to look back at he prior years calendar and emails to think about it as a whole instead of just holding tight and jumping around decision to decision crisis to crisis like I usually do. I have a very poor memory so unfortunately any event I do not place in my calendar I may forget about. These questions give me the chance also to pick a goal and write it own. I post it publicly in hopes it acts as a reminder to have a better life and self to work to. Perhaps I should set myself a quarterly reminder process to reflect back on my answers and questions to see if I need to modify them, or myself?

10q #9

Sep. 12th, 2013 12:36 pm
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#9

Q: What is a fear that you have and how has it limited you? How do you plan on letting it go or overcoming it in the coming year?

2013
ha! same as always
fear change
fear new things
i need to make friends
i need to explore
i doubt i'll improve though :)

2012
Fear of new things, fear to go out alone, meet new people. It keeps me from making new fiends, experiencing areas, and getting out of the house. I hope to keep getting myself to be more social and sociable over the next year.

2011
A: I don't like change, or new things – which left me staying in the job I did not like for far to long. It keeps me from making friends and having various experiences. I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone a little in the past year (new job, moving) but I haven't gotten good at socializing or adventuring out on my own. I hope to force myself to go explore my new town, alone, and to make new friends. In the past I have had my friends drag me about to events, that were fun, since I have moved away from them no one is forcing me to get out, have fun, have new experiences, and make new friends.

10Q #8

Sep. 11th, 2013 01:33 pm
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#8

Q: Is there something (a person, a cause, an idea) that you want to investigate more fully in 2014?

2013
Let's say i want to investigate non confrontational and avoiding triggery words CFP for a convention about girls in IT, tempting not to use my own name due to backlash girls get though

2012
no?

2011
A: Other than continuing to explore the world of tea, and getting to know myself better, I don't believe there is anything that I want or plan to get into in 2012. I hope that I am still seen as knowledgeable about tea, feel comfortable in San Antonio and at Rackspace, am considered a good worker, and better know what I myself like and want.

10q #7

Sep. 10th, 2013 11:37 am
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#7

Q: How would you like to improve yourself and your life next year? Is there a piece of advice or counsel you received in the past year that could guide you?

2013
I would like to be healthier, thinner, read more, be better at my business, and more financially in control, i doubt any of that will happen.
From prior years:
Still fat
reading slightly more
finances not in control
i was the SQL expert on 3rd, but irrelevant now
No linux admin skills still

2012
Stop being a fatass, exercise or read less - whichever
also read more, get finances in control

2011
I want to learn more about AD, SQL clusters, networking, and really all things related to my job. Currently they believe my skill set is acceptable, but expect me to learn more and get better at my job, I want to learn as much as I need, plus enough to feel confident and as though I am pulling my own weight. If I manage to have any extra time I do also want to start picking up some Linux for my own development.

Because my memory is so poor I am not sure there is anything in the past year I have had suggested to me that I remember and could use. I have found over the past year that my friends are amazingly supportive in whatever ways that they can be, and offer up excellent advice, I should seek assistance more often.

10q #6

Sep. 9th, 2013 05:51 pm
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#6

Q: Describe one thing you'd like to achieve by this time next year. Why is this important to you?

2013
not be single?
be good at my job?
have the apartment unpacked (in time to move again :()
expand the tea business
Notes on the past, failed to fully unpack apartment before moving, new apartment also not fully unpacked.
Never explored SA
Got to be very needed at work but still felt like i should be able to do more, then left adn now feel useless again
No gaming cons
need more range time

2012
A: Be settled into my job, the apartment (unpacked), the city, happier

2011
A: One? ha, I can't limit myself to one!

I want to have my apartment unpacked and settled in so I feel at home.

I want to find my way around San Antonio so that I don't feel like a tourist.

I want to be settled into my new job so I feel useful.

I want to visit Florida 2-6 times to be with Dr Cruel and the fish.

I want to visit home 2-6 times to see friends and family.

I want to become a member of at least one gaming group.

I want to become comfortable in, and a part of the local kink community, and continue to explore what I like and do not like.

I plan to attend: defcon, bsideslv, schmoocon, wicked faire and at least one tea convention (world tea expo, first flush festival, other yet to be known?).

I would like to attend one or more renaissance faire.

I want to go to the range and improve my marksmanship.

It would be nice to go to SDCC or Dragon*Con.

10q #5

Sep. 8th, 2013 06:56 pm
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#5

Q: Have you had any particularly spiritual experiences this past year? How has this experience affected you? "Spiritual" can be broadly defined to include secular spiritual experiences: artistic, cultural, and so forth.

2013
No

2012
No

2011
A: Not so sure about spiritual, but I have been thoroughly enjoying becoming a part of the tea community, there is so much to learn about tea, and everyone in the industry is nice and helpful. I have also done more traveling than ever in search of new teas, there are many places I would not have visited or seen, friends I would not have made, had I not been seeking out a wonderful cup of tea.

10q #4

Sep. 8th, 2013 06:25 pm
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#4

Q: Describe an event in the world that has impacted you this year. How? Why?

2013
We are still in Iraq and Afghanistan and now want to bomb Syria
the Russians get the Olympics but are trying to jail and take gay peoples children
Manning was not protected as a whileblower but is going to prison
Snowden is seeking asylum and proving hackers aren't crazy the government really is tapping adn recording and storing everything
Some rapists get 30 days in prison when the two above would be in jail for years
it is more publicly known that women are being raped, burned alove and abused daily in places like india, yet not a huge fuss is made about daily rape and abuse in the US
So much of the world is in recession and protesting
everything is such a mess (egypt, north korea, etc)
yet we keep letting the government "protect us" (no real positive side) with the TSA and wiretapping etc - it didn't stop boston, it didn't find boston bomber...
new pope has been interesting, more liberal than others
also interesting the other pope stepped down and didn't die his way out of office
connect gunman in a school again, fuck gun free zones
why is Guantanamo still open?
obama reelected
doma shot down

a mix of good, status quo, bad, and depressing

2012
Occupy
Worldwide protests, riots, debt crisis
Curiosity on mars
CERN Higgs Boson

Terrifying and exciting year overall
The worlds trouble make me believe my choice (and inability) to bring children into the world is a good thing
At the same time there is cool science happening!
Still, being a self absorbed person most of the time i just am worried about me, not the world

2011
A: Honestly I do not watch the news much since I do not have a TV. What I have heard had mostly been a high number of natural disasters (earthquakes, flooding), the aftermath of those (the leaking nuclear plant). The rest of what I hear is the fighting over the economy, politicians fight about what to cut, what not to cut, while so many people are out of work, and are looking. Overall i just am finding the world a scary place, one I do not wish to bring children or animals or anything into. I wish we knew the right answers to get out of this global mess, but more so I wish people would think more about what they are doing and the impact it will have, and be good people. How much of the housing mess would have been avoided if people really thought about what they were doing?

10q #3

Sep. 6th, 2013 11:22 am
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#3

Q: Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?

2013
A: My sister moved to CA, very new and caused my parents to travel (unusual)
My grandfather died affecting the whole family really
I don't think there were any more marriages, there were more babies i believe

2012
A: none?

2011
A: I can not think of anything my family has done that could be considered a milestone.

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